Dear Body: This is an apology

I'd like to start by saying I owe you an apology for so many things.

 I'm sorry for always covering you up and not accepting you.

 I'm sorry for the times I stand in front of the mirror and curse you.

 I'm sorry for when I used to tell you that no guy would look at or want me because of you.

 I'm sorry  that I keep cutting my hair every time you try and let it grow.

I'm sorry I torture you when I go threading in an attempt to make you look prettier.

I'm sorry I make you go through extreme measures to get rid of excess unwanted hair. 

I'm sorry I wear closed shoes all the time because I don't like your toes.

I'm sorry for blaming you for me not being able to shop where I want to.

I'm sorry for buying you sexy lingerie so seldom.

I'm sorry for starving you every time I felt too fat.

 I'm sorry I let other peoples comments about you affect how I feel about you.

I'm sorry for wearing colour contacts because I thought it would make my eyes look better.

I'm sorry for constantly dying my hair.

I'm sorry for abusing you when indulging in Narcotics.

I'm sorry I eat too much of the wrong things.

I'm sorry for starting things and then quitting.

I'm sorry for all the extra work you have to go through every time I light a cigarette.

I'm sorry for comparing you to those girls in the magazine.

I'm sorry for not making time to pamper you on a daily basis. Which is what you deserve. 

I'm sorry for never sticking to a diet to make you healthier.

I'm sorry I put you under so much pressure.

I'm sorry for blaming you for all my insecurities.

I'm sorry for feeling intimidated because you weren't as pretty as her. 

I'm sorry i don't tell you how beautiful you are.

I'm sorry I don't give you enough sleep.

Im sorry it took me so long to realise how precious you are and how lucky I am to have you. I need you to know that I appreciate you even the quirks I used to hate. Its taken me this long to not take heed of what others had to say about you and just love you unconditionally. To love US unconditionally. I should have loved you from the start as much as most things I love. (Sushi and Skittles being on top of the list.) 
Although there are still things we need to sort out, I love you. Every inch of you, Just the way you are.

Acceptingly,

Smiley

A letter to my 16 year old self

There's this trend...well from a lot of blogs I have recently discovered about writing a letter to your younger self. to be quite honest I sat up all night wondering what I could possibly say. It reminded me of Tina's letters to her daughter Anjali in KuchKuch Hota Hai. Im not even 21... what could I possibly have wanted to tell myself 5 years ago.The simple answers: Lots.

The long answer:

Hello Pretty girl :)

It's me Smiley. You from the future. Get used to being called Smiley, Its going to be your name for a long time. You are in grade 10 and Alhamdulilah you are doing so well. Im really proud of you. Please put your phone down and actually do homework. Take note in maths class and Do not let Dada distract you in accounting! I know you hate subjects that involves numbers but its still going to haunt you in the years to come.

You are going to meet a really special person and he's going to change you life dramatically. Please don't set your heart on him. Family before love. Always. And besides, he's going to be married and a father shortly. Focus on your studies. In grade 11 you will realise that not everything happens the way you want it to. You will find yourself changing. This is good. Let it happen. Try and stay away from chocolates. Its going to stay on your hips for an eternity I swear. But always keep in mind that you are so beautiful. And that you dont need to prove yourself to anyone.And stop stressing about those pimples. It will eventually clear up.

When matric comes its going to be a bumpy ride. BE prepared to have no life the whole year and study all the time. You are going to go to study group and have the most amazing time there. Please study hard. After a successful year I can tell you now that you will pass with entry to study at University.(Oh heads up: Spain is going to win the 2010 World-cup...Make us some money, we going to need it ;) ) And learn how to drive for crying out loud!

PleasePleasePlease go for career guidance counseling. It makes me uneasy that you still dont know what you want to do with your life. You will apply for nursing and its going to be one of the best years for you. The people you'll meet, the things you'll see and the things you will have to do is eventually going to become overwhelming. DO NOT GIVE IT UP! You are going to meet a guy and his going to change your world. You going to be with him because this is your way of rebelling. Stop. Walk away. Listen to me. People will always have something to say about you, but also dont give people a reason to talk.

Lose the contacts- your natural eye color is so much better

Obviously you not going to listen to me(or anyone else) you are going to quit nursing and take a gap year. Big mistake. Rather go work or something. Keep yourself busy all the time. You get bored easily. Its going to make you miserable. You are going to find out who your real friends are. Be prepared. Its going to get ugly. You are going to apply for Public relations and you will have finally found your Forte. Skip all the drama and just go straight to PR after highschool please. Two of your friends are going to ask for your advice regarding abortions, Do not get involved. Alot of your friends are going to get married. Help them where you can. Also just a tip...do not keep personal memento's in the house where people can easily find it and Do Not keep personal pictures of you and whoever on your PC. Its going to come back and bite you.

Do not post this on facebook! People are going to cause problems_im not really sure why though. Your school skirt will be that length

 Also Haroon Mamu is going to pass away. Pleas visit him in hospital and prepare yourself mentally. Or else its going to hit you so hard it'll give you nightmares. I cant say the future is going to be all sunshine and rainbows. Just be careful and think of the consequences before you act.
OH and you going to have this obsession with cutting your hair. Let it go grow!

This is your life and only you have the power to control it (And obviously the entire family who is always dictating) BUt make the most of your years.

See you when you get here Smiley :)

Your future awaits.

PS. Please try and lose some weight. Its going to be so difficult to when you older ;)