Death at a funeral 1960-2014

"Appa, Wake up...We going to Mama. Haroon Mamu passed away." I sat up from a sleep I desperately needed after my long day at campus I looked up at the time and it was just going for 5pm. I called my sister back and asked her if she was joking. Why would I even ask that? Who jokes about death? I knew immediately I had to go to my mother who was hysterical in her room. And I held her because that’s all one can do I guess. We got into the car and surprisingly my siblings and I were rather calm. A very unusual reaction I thought. On the drive from our house to my granny, the journey seemed like forever. The reality of the situation really hit me when we arrived at my grans house and saw all the people standing outside coming to find out what it was they could do.

Going into the house  was a mission itself. My mother is one of 8 children and now there are 6 left. I had to greet every single person, hope and pray that they would be strong for me and not let me be strong for them. I encouraged people to cry. I absolutely hate it when people pat me on the back and say that I need to be strong. For what? I’m grieving. Let me be. Seeing my granny was the ultimate. I imagined what it must be like not only losing a son but having it be the second one to go. In a perfect world, it’s the child that buries their parents and not the other way around. She entered a state of shock and her screams were thunderous. Pretty soon majority of the, close friends and relatives were there offering their condolences and getting the house ready. You hear people saying that he got to go on Friday which is such a beautiful day as it’s considered our Holy day of the week. 

He has to be buried according to Muslim rites so as soon as we get the body from the hospital it’s recommended that the body be buried as soon as possible. He had just recently had an operation and suffered greatly so I have this assurance that he is now in a better place. The preparation for the funeral or Mayet as we would call it starts. I have to get paper and my sister and I start covering all the mirrors in the house. I’m not really sure why we do that but then again there are many things we do that I question. I tell myself I’ll ask when the time is appropriate. For now I just did what I was told. The bathrooms needed to be cleared, the rooms were tidied and the lounge was emptied as that’s where the viewing was to take place. Everyone was doing something. Organizing the body to be fetched, organizing food, organizing tissues and things the house needed. While all of this was happening I had completely forgot that his wife, my aunt was still at the hospital. Suddenly I found myself imagining what it must be like to lose a husband, your best friend and companion. They had no children so we were all they had. 

You know there’s a death in the house when you get the smell of camphor. The body is wrapped in pieces of white cloth so someone usually brings a sewing machine and stiches away. Extra chairs are brought and put everywhere in the house. Suddenly everyone is wearing a scarf and all those holy books we don’t usually read gets taken out and read religiously. I know as I’m guilty of it too. Everyone that arrives to pay their respects are dressed in black. It’s funny how it has to take something like a death to actually bring family together. It’s around 7pm and the body is home. Everyone around me including myself has a tears flowing like the Nile River. It’s not something that can be stopped. The harder you try to get hold of your emotions, the harder it is for you to keep them back. Seeing my aunt made it even harder. She didn’t want to talk to anyone but that could be because she could barely talk. She sat with my granny and everyone worked their way through the house to get to the two of them. The body was there and we were told to go and see him before the washing was going to take place. When a Muslim male dies only males would wash the body in the prescribed way and when a Muslim woman dies, females would wash the body. It’s usually the immediate family. After the bath which is referred to as the ghusl, We are called to pay our last respects and we stand reciting and reciting and praying that he be granted Heaven. I find myself staring at him even through my teary eyed blur vision. He looks Beautiful. Like an angel that was fast asleep. After Several prayers it was time to close his face up and get the body out of the house. It was then that we realized or well I realized that this was the last time I was going to see him on earth. The cries got louder and my aunts grabbing me as they needed support to stand was unbearable. The body gets carried out and the men head to the mosque to perform the last prayer for the deceased. They then proceed to the graveyard. I’m not really sure as to what happens there as women are not allowed to be there for that.

Its 12.26am and the men are coming back to the house from the cemetery. Plates are provided and people are told to eat something before they leave. My aunt has to go through a period of Iddah which is an extended mourning period of 4 months and 10 days. The mourning we observe now happens over three days. Every Thursday we have a recitation in the house until the 40 days. It said that the soul of the deceased stays in the house for 40 days. Thereafter a recitation takes place on the 100 days and then the year mark.

Nothing even feels real. It’s as if we all still waiting for him to come home from the hospital. 

 May Allah (SWT) grant my uncle Haroon Firfirey Janaatul Firdous Inshallah.

Our home is not the same without you.

You may be gone but you have left us with amazing memories. You always told me that you would teach me so I could take over the business. Your constant teasing, and intentional mispronunciation of words is already missed, buying me Mash and Gravy all the time because you knew I loved it and always going out of your way to help me with school tasks and projects.

May Allah (SWT) put Sabr (peace) in our hearts for it’s our loss but Allah's gain.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un  إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ‎ "Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return".
We miss you so much <3